Readers, rejoice! There is an official end to the Embarrassing Yearbook Photos series. My “kneeling in front of a paint-speckled drop cloth” senior picture has surfaced, thanks to my high school buddy, Maria. Don’t ask me why Maria had this handy, but I’m glad she did. Take a look at those sweet sneakers and cargo [...]
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Old Navy… Old Nay… Old Navy performance fleece! Actually, I believe this item was called a Tech Vest. Yes, technology at its finest. The bowl cut is gone, along with my adolescence. The strange thing about looking back on eleventh grade is that I really can’t remember anything about it. I remember lots about tenth [...]
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Welcome to tenth grade, everyone. The bowl cut is going as strong as ever. I’m sorry to say that this is probably one of the last existing photos of the beloved bowl cut. It was shortly after this photo was taken that I decided to update my look for a more gelled up version. You’ll [...]
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What’s this? A shiny face… developing features… the beginnings of an Adam’s apple?! Hello, puberty! It’s about time you showed up.This is my ninth grade yearbook photo. I’m a little sorry to say that it’s not that exciting. I have a feeling that the most embarrassing photos are behind me (thank god). I was 15 [...]
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Hair! Be free of your gel-bound clutches! Blow free in the breeze! Here’s my eighth grade yearbook photo. Again… looking more and more like my present-day self. The hair may have been a less-gelled version of its former seventh grade self, but it was still styled to perfection. You may not be able to tell [...]
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Well, glasses… we had a nice run… second grade to sixth grade. You were huge, but good to me, but you have no place in middle school. Behold a de-spectacled Patrick who premiered in seventh grade. It was around this time that I actually start to resemble my current self. Although puberty is still a [...]
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This is it. This is the most toolish, nerdiest photo of me that might ever be taken. The funniest thing about this photo is that I was the one who did this to myself. I specifically remember waking up on picture day in sixth grade and thinking, “I really want to dress up for my [...]
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Before we get into this week’s terribly embarrassing yearbook photo, let me first state that I have no idea where my pictures from 3rd or 4th grade have gone. They weren’t on my giant graduation board, and I can’t even recall what they looked like. Here’s a brief synopsis: My 3rd grade teacher was Mrs. [...]
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I’ll take “What exactly was the look I was going for?” for 200, Alex. I might as well have worn a shirt that said GIVE THIS KID A WEDGIE. Seriously… It’s like… a white Urkel meets the Golden Girls. The glasses, the turtleneck, the weird cardigan thing. I’m surprised I survived the second grade. My [...]
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Here’s my yearbook photo from 1st grade. The year was 1989, marking the premiere of the closed-lip smile, which will stick around until 6th grade. Firstly- Look at that face. Mom, why wasn’t I ever a child model???? You missed out on this cash cow. Secondly- What is that sweat top I’m wearing, and how [...]
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